Death of the Gentlemen

It was Friday afternoon, and my wife sat across from me.  The soft brown of her eyes reflecting the light.  Her teeth white and straight.  Her smile accented by dimples, and her light complexion highlighted by freckles.  My steak was gone, and surprisingly so was most of my wife’s.  We pushed our plates to the side, and watched the people.  Most sat at their tables, eating and talking with occasional glances at the TV.  We guessed at their personal lives.  Were they married?  Did they have children?  What was their occupation?  Each guess backed by some piece of evidence.  Then our waiter brought us our check.  I paid, tipped, and stood to leave.  At the door my wife fumbled with her coat, caught in the sleeve  I paused for a moment, and helped her into her coat.  I was struck by this action, a little ashamed that my wife had to struggle before I offered to help.  I had always considered myself a gentlemen.  I opened doors for my wife, for my sister-in-laws, for my mother, and for strangers both women and men; but had this been a more civilized era, I fear I would not be considered a gentlemen.  Not only do I not help my wife with her coat, but I don’t pull out her chair when she sits.  When did men forget how to be gentlemen?  Until my wife went on a date with me, her door had never been opened.  Her situation is not unique.  Men simply don’t do these things anymore.  The answer I fear is in our culture.

Women are now our equals.  Not equal in the since of value, for the equality defined by our culture places no value on women.  It debases them through models with airbrushed perfection and figures having nothing to do with children.  It debases them with clothing meant for a profession respectable women ought not hold.  All of this is embraced by mothers teaching their daughters to catch the eye of boys not interested in becoming men.  When those boys and girls act like adults and bear the fruit of adulthood, a doctor shrugs and says, “There is a procedure for that.”  Women have gained equal rights and lost their value.

It was this ‘value’ that separated men and women.  Not separation in the negative connotation of the word but a separation of respect.  This is what brought the death of gentlemen.  The end of respect.  There were distinct differences between men and women that led to tacit respect.  When men met women they revered them.  They courted instead of ‘hooking-up’, and women relied on character instead of seduction.  All of this debasement has led to weak marriages with with weak men, weak women, and weak children.  It was the value of motherhood that raised boys to be men..  It was the character of a woman that made a boy become a man.  Mothers taught, wives tamed, and boys grew into men.  It was a symbiotic relationship, but value was sacrificed to artificial equality.  The gentlemen died with the ladies, and so did the family.  And so did a generation.